Ask The Sexpert: How Can Lesbians Have Reliable Gender? | GO Mag

Recently, i am witnessing many various health methods and neighborhood frontrunners speak about how lesbians have no need for condoms whatsoever inside their gender techniques. And also this concept truthfully perplexes myself! Anytime we read it someplace, I stop and think

huh? In which did they manage to get thier safer sex details from?

This might be an integral part of a bigger social issue for the reason that lesbian, queer and bi ladies are typically left out for the dialogue about intimate health and STIs. Its as though people think

STIs

merely come from penises hence lesbian, queer and bisexual females never ever

have

penises.

News flash:
STIs may be handed down in many different techniques
. Through skin to epidermis get in touch with. From anal sex. From oral intercourse. From discussing adult toys. Mostly whichever sex that you are having, its probably that STIs can possibly end up being offered, from person to person. It’s also important to understand that lesbian, queer and bisexual females often have actually penises. Or sometimes we utilize dildos during intercourse. As well as both a dildo and a penis, condoms can be utilized as a barrier solution to reduce the chances of STIs getting passed.

In de-stigmatizing STIs, it is important to remember that it isn’t the end of the entire world should you decide test positive for an STI. Yourself and your sex-life are not more than. Whenever we are able to gain access to this sort of much safer sex info, subsequently we can all develop and find out together—and have more enjoyable intercourse!

We have now already mentioned
various shield techniques
that lesbian, queer and bisexual ladies may use whenever making love with one another. And indeed, condoms come when it comes to those choices. You are able to condoms as a barrier when having a penis in vagina or whenever having
anal sex
, when you’re using an adult toy or dildo, and additionally cut a condom on the center (with scissors) if you need a dental dam for analingus or oral intercourse. Whenever we tell women that sleep with other ladies they don’t

require

condoms to rehearse much safer sex, we’re perpetuating this misconception our gender is actually intrinsically protected from any STIs getting provided.

A lot of of my personal lesbian, queer and meet bisexual friends occasionally chuckle precisely how they do not practice less dangerous intercourse. We hear queer ladies make laughs about dental dams and just how they do not have once used all of them. All this makes me question exactly who within our area would in fact exercise better sex? Whenever we aren’t making use of shield strategies, tend to be we then having in-depth conversations about all of our intimate wellness before we f*ck? Are we constantly prioritizing getting tried between the partners? And not soleley a pap smear (
for the reason that it doesn’t include every thing
), but like getting a complete progress up?

I really don’t state any of this to be judgmental, after all. I have already been that lady to have a good laugh about dental care dams. I have in addition had one-night stands in which i did not focus on me personally or my personal lover’s intimate health. But I want us to do much better. I would like all of us to have real, nuanced talks about all of our intimate health. Given that it does matter, ladies. And I also would like to get past laughing about dental dams and shrugging down condoms as an option.

Typically within this conversation, I have asked

really, what if i wish to utilize a dental dam but she doesn’t genuinely believe that’s beautiful?

This concern can be so prevalent that I feel like plenty lesbian, queer and bisexual ladies are even afraid to inquire of their particular partners to rehearse better sex. But let me make it clear a queer lady key, receiving dental intercourse through a dental dam is actually hot and feels amazing. In reality, the person it certainly alters situations for will be the person offering the dental. Its somewhat various of an event, but one that you could get used to! It is hot when it comes to person getting because 1. you are both prioritizing one another’s intimate wellness, and that’s hot AF and 2. in my own sincere viewpoint, it nevertheless feels pleasurable as f*ck.

I also learn how hard it may be to take up the dialogue of STIs when you have sexual intercourse, especially if you’ve never ever had intercourse because of this individual prior to. One thing i have learned in my several years of messily navigating sex and relationships usually whenever I talk to some one concerning variety of intercourse we both want and in what variety of obstacles we want to use—I have wayyyy better gender. Like I am not stating this simply because i am a sex nerd. I am suggesting my personal sincere queer lady fact. Intercourse is better as soon as you discuss need as well as your figures 1st.

Let’s break it straight down.

You and this potential hookup have no idea both’s bodies however. Every single individual has unique needs and clicks and movements, that turn all of them the f*ck on. Even though you could potentially play a guessing game as long as you’re sex to determine exactly what ~feels good~ with this brand new individual, you could alternatively, discuss it ahead of time. Actually it enjoyable to f*ck some body the way they want to be f*cked? Then you certainly know the go-to area on their behalf, the place you should build-up to and the ways to encourage them to be putty inside hand.

In terms of speaking about what barriers and/or toys you need to use if you are having sex—a significant men and women believe it’s awesome perhaps not sexy and takes most of the fun from the jawhorse. But picture if you’re having sex nevertheless the entire time you are nervous because you really wanted to utilize a dental dam but did not know how to inform the lady that and now you can not have a climax since you’re so in your thoughts about not talking right up for your needs? That is no fun for everyone, trust in me. When you are getting that discussion taken care of prior to starting having sexual intercourse, then you definitely know already to go for the condom when using your own strap-on or whether she’s cool with liquid connecting or perhaps not. These are typically really important facets of sex so we must not dismiss them.

We have research regarding of you reading this right now. Next time you are having a new hookup with some one, just be sure to incorporate some of these conversations just before strike the bedsheets to check out exactly what the results are. I guess you you will involve some mind-blowing consensual less dangerous sex!

Got any sex questions? Go ahead and touch base: Corinne@gomag.com!